You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
