He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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