Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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