i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize