I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize