i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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