he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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