Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
where does the pee come out of this thing
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
