you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
