The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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