you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
