Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
