New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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