you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
