these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I see more hoeing in ur future
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
