Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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