So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
