1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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