if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
