I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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