Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
