I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
