Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize