Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
