i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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