I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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