Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
