He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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