Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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