He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
