he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
