Apparently you make a good broom.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
