'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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