Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
