My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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