we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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