I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
