I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
