I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
