He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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