I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
