Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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