Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
