We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
