i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
