shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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