I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
