Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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