Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
