It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
