She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
