when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
