so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize