first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
