Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Two words: nipple clamps
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