Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize