omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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