AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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