if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
