I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize