You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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