Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
