my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
