Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
