I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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