the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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