just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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