Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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