I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
