Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
