Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
