Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
