I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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