Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
