My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
