my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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