When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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