Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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