My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
